And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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