i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
