Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
