Buhtt sex?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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