my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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