Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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