Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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