dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
