I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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