Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
