he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
