Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
