Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
