people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
