Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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