I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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