Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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