Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
