Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
