he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
