She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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