Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize