she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
