Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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