im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
too bad you live with your parents still
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
