The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
