Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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