Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
