I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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