I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
