I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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