There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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