Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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