hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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