My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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