I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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