I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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