is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
