I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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