So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
