We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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