If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
