whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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