you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i now understand why vodka
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
