Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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