oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
