You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
