I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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