Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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