I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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