You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
