South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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