At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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