why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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