Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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