I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
