I'm going to jail i love you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize