HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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