Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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