I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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