other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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