I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
